Cruising the personals

I don’t know other places to cruise the personal ads these days other than CraigsList.  I’ve got enough going on and I don’t need to add anything else to my plate…..but hey I can’t resist.

We have a post on LoveVoodoo although I think it’s about to be inaccessible because we aren’t going to pay for the listing.  That’s a swingers site, for the most part.  He’s got something on Ashley Madison, and some other site as well that I don’t recall the name.  They aren’t giving any returns.

So, it’s now Sunday early afternoon.  I went to visit my guy Friday night.  Hung out for several hours.  I was drinking, I actually did smoke and got nice and pleasantly stoned, which is something I don’t generally do.  I didn’t sleep at the usual out of town spot I generally sleep at before driving home.  We did go back to his place, I fucked his brains out, spent a good half hour sucking his cock until he came in my mouth.  His cock is my all time favorite for sucking.  The cock itself is amazing.  Gets so rock hard at the drop of a hat.  So hard he can pound nails with it.  Straight as fuck, tip curves up at the end.  And then the balls!  Oh, the balls.  They are small enough that if I’m gentle I can suck both balls into my mouth at the same time.  He loves it.  I absolutely love that he loves that.  I can explore every damn inch of him with my mouth and have such a fucking amazing time doing it.   Holding his cock in my hand with both his balls in my mouth…..and if I’m flexible enough I love to look him in the face while I’m doing it.

Can we just all admit that there’s something SO incredibly sexy about having a guy’s cock in your mouth while you’re looking him in the eye?  I know for damn sure he finds it hot as fuck as well.  I almost feel like I’m at church, worshiping him with my mouth and my tongue and my hands while staring at him.  I’ve never met a man who truly believes I enjoy this as much as I do, but then again they probably haven’t had a hard throbbing cock in their mouth before.  No judgment either way.

I’m getting distracted thinking about cock in my mouth.  Back to the original topic, the personals.  They’re disappointing.  Same people over and over again.  FWIW I mailed some seriously dirty socks to a guy a few days ago.  That was a Craigslist ad find.  Someone actually willing to pay money for dirty socks.  I’ve also emailed with a guy who wants to buy panties, more money if I’ve masturbated in them and even more if he gets to watch me remove them.

I’m in the wrong business.

It’s Friday, bitches!

Well, what a fucking week this has been.  I am SOOO done with this week.  I was on Tuesday, so now I’m REALLY done.

This has been an interesting week for me.  I’ve entered new territory, and to be honest I’m still processing everything.  I find myself often wondering how I’m doing treading the line of being self aware and completely oblivious.  I am liberated sexually, which seems to happen to many women in their 30’s to 40’s.  That’s an entire discussion about sociology which I don’t want to get in to now.  I think my story is rather average.  Married young, very little experience before that, and didn’t get any enlightenment of any kind, let alone in the sex department during the marriage.  Didn’t start cutting loose until my late 20’s and that mostly consisted of going out with friends, getting horned up by guys hitting on me, taking them home and being used because I didn’t know any other way.  I thought I enjoyed myself, but looking back what I enjoyed was being enjoyed because I had no self esteem and that made me feel important, made me feel wanted.

It wasn’t until several years and a few more long term relationships later that I acknowledged it’s okay to be the aggressor, it’s totally fine to not only say what you want/what gives you pleasure, but to actively go after it as well.  I don’t know why or how I came to a point in my life where I refuse to apologize for being a woman, for being sexual, for being aggressive, hell for being smart.  The number of people (guys especially) who accuse me of belittling them because I’ve got a big vocabulary and use it regularly is obscene.  If you don’t know what I mean when I say “deluge” that says neither anything bad about you nor anything good about me.  It’s how I talk.  I’ll introduce you to my own mom and you will understand.  If her mom was alive and you met her, you’d REALLY understand.

One thing I’ve come to recognize is just how fucking sexy confidence is.  I think that’s the one thing that has changed the most for me.  I still look much the same as I always have, but I’m bigger on the inside.  I was never implicitly told “you’re not good enough for this” or “you don’t deserve that” but frankly that’s a message that rarely transmits that plainly.  The day I finally asked myself “what’s the worst that will happen if I say no?” transformed my life.  I discovered that if I actually played the situation out to the absolute fucking worst ending I could possibly think of, every single ending I came up with was not the end of the world which I imagined it to be if I was too afraid to give it too much thought.  Once I committed myself to practicing what I preached to my inner self, I found out that fuck yeah that’s actually what happens.

The next step was “what’s the worst that will happen if I say yes?”  Well, that opened up my eyes pretty fucking wide.  Granted, it opened up a few other things wide as well.  If I were to count the number of men I called down to from my balcony telling them “I’m on the top floor!” I would probably have to use two hands.  I’ve been in this apartment less than a year.

Sometimes I wonder if I should feel bad.  Sometimes I wonder why I don’t.  I wonder if I don’t have a conscience.  I know I’m weird, and I love that about myself, but am I legitimately abnormal?  Am I defective?  Am I broken, am I failed human being?

I think these thoughts are completely rational and normal.  I don’t feel that I’m abnormal or defective.  I do feel that I’m in the minority of women who speak up and speak out and refuse to apologize for it.  I said it earlier…you should meet my female lineage.  They have subtly been telling the establishment to fuck off for at least a few hundred years.  Granted, I don’t tell my mom the details of my personal life but I sure as fuck readily admit and own it when she does learn of something I don’t publicize.  The cool thing is she generally doesn’t expect me to.

………

……………..

 

I know I started off talking about how fucking awesome Friday is, but this did go somewhere, didn’t it.  My plan for the evening is to nap for a bit to sleep off the beer and then drive 45 minutes to see side guy for the night.  We’ll probably sleep together (as in actually sleep) in his truck in his driveway.

I’ve traded emails with a guy who lives locally and is an open marriage who’s looking for FWB.  I’d love to have one I can get at more easily, but side guy is more important to me so I sent this other guy an email asking if he’d be interested in meeting with the idea of joining us in bed but not ruling out coupling together, just the two of us.  I don’t know if it’s evident or not but I’ve been drinking tonight.  I tend to be more free association thinking when I’m drinking.  I also cruise the casual sex encounters on Craigslist when I’m drinking, but haven’t found anything worth semi-drunk replying to.  It’s Friday, so let the chips fall where they may.  I own everything on my side of the street and do so without thought or regret.  If I have nothing else to my name, I have accountability.  I will look myself in the mirror tonight and again in the morning and not shrink away from what I see.  Tomorrow I will come on this blog and type another recap.

I don’t know about you, but I’m looking forward to it.  A little scared, but mostly excited.  Like climbing on a roller coaster ride for the first time.

Chris Cornell’s suicide has dampened my sex drive.

I woke up this morning to my side guy crawling in to bed with me.  It’s my favorite time of day.  I was still really sleepy from last night’s escapades.  I went to sleep with thigh high gray stockings, black panties and a peacock blue/black lace trimmed bra.  Submissive guy didn’t see all that.  He did see the bra.  More about that encounter in a bit.

The 1st thing I remember hearing is “Chris Cornell died”.  I thought I heard that wrong, so I said “what?”  He repeated it, and I was literally stunned into silence.  He’s my all time favorite voice in rock.  He died at 52.  He will always be the original grunge rock pioneer with a 4 octave range, superior song writing talent, and a kick fucking ASS guitar player who is hotter than hell.  To hear that he hung himself was a total shocker.  It reminded me of how I felt when I heard Robin Williams committed suicide.  That one hit me so hard I still can’t watch one of his movies.

Back to yesterday.  I should say that side guy didn’t know about him ahead of time.  I’m not sure why, other than my desire to dominate a man in a certain way isn’t something I’m going to do with side guy.

We (the submissive) met at a local restaurant and I wore a business suit.  He was a cocky businessman in town from Ohio.  He tried to pick me up, and I kept shooting him down.  We carried on through two drinks and a cigarette break, then came back to my place.  I stripped him down, spent some time scraping my nails down his back and biting him on his sides just hard enough to leave red marks.  I had him masturbate in front of my mirror in the bedroom (using his other hand).  Eventually it moved to him lying on my bed and I got in on the action by lubricating my hands, teasing his asshole and stroking his cock and balls, and eventually worked my way to inserting my finger inside his ass.  I absolutely love the feel, and I know it feels great for him as well.  He came when I stroked him with one hand and used my other by sliding a finger in and out of his ass.  He had never had that done to him before.

Side guy tried to call me at some point during this, something like “got a hot date?” and then later “I guess so, have fun!”.  I texted him back, telling him short story was a guy who wants to be dominated.  After sub guy left, I called side guy.  Told him briefly about the evening, how I get off on penetrating a man and that I was able to do that.  I was a bit drunk and stoned by then, so I’m paranoid about his reaction.

When he came over this morning, we didn’t have sex.  We cuddled and he held me tighter than usual or so it seemed.  We watched videos, and I curled up against him for what seemed like an eternity and no time at all.  He has a fantastic natural body odor, and because he strips to his underwear before he climbs into bed I got plenty of it on me.  I didn’t shower this morning, so all damn day I could smell side guy and it was amazing.  I messaged him that at one point today.

Today I had arranged to meet a young guy who seemed down for a threesome.  It was planned a week ago.  We had a nice time, he’s really cool and drama free which is nice.  He’s a lot younger.  Really not in to relationships at this point in his life.  Has been with couples occasionally over the years.  And his schedule can match with ours.  We’ll see how that plays out.

Right now I’m talking with side guy.  Told him I feel bad about not telling him about sub guy before I met up with him.  We both understand our situation, but for me it feels a bit like cheating.  The guy I met tonight, he did kiss me a few times but that’s as far as it went.  I don’t know if it will work but there is potential.

Have I mentioned it’s soooo late and I have to work in the morning?  We shall see what tomorrow brings.

A nooner, and trying something new tonight

My steady boy toy comes over most mornings before work.  I need a better term for him.  He’s in a long term sexless relationship and I’m the steady side girlfriend.  He’s also 10 years younger than me, and lives 45 minutes away but works nearby.  I hesitate to use boy toy because he’s my steady and we are so much more than just sex.  This morning we curled up in my bed for an hour watching videos on YouTube.  This morning’s homework for me was being introduced to Super Troopers.

As he was leaving and I was getting ready for work, I thought to mention that I’d be out of work by 1 and wouldn’t it be nice if he could come over?  The short story is he did, and we had a fantastic (if too brief) encounter just long enough for me to perform fantastic oral which left us both quite satisfied.

Speaking of fellatio, why are women so hesitant to say they enjoy it?  I know plenty of women who don’t, and that’s absolutely all right.  Some women enjoy it, some REALLY enjoy it.  I’m one of those women.  I absolutely love the feel of a hard cock in my mouth, in my hands, on my face, rubbed against my wet lips.  I get completely involved in the act, sometimes to the point of forgetting there’s someone else on the end of said cock.  What’s not to love?  The shape, the texture, all the ridges, both the head and the ridges up the shaft.  And the balls…I don’t like chewing my way through a forest of hair but there’s a lot to work with there.  Fondling with my hands, drawing them into my mouth carefully and gently.  A well placed palm grip so I can apply pressure…not squeezing so much because that doesn’t feel good.  More like having a tennis ball in my hand and gripping it firmly.  Have you ever held a man’s cock against your tits and licked both your nipples and their cock head at the same time, while looking him in the eye?  Loving cock in any respect doesn’t make me a slut or a whore and I know that.  Getting off on giving pleasure doesn’t either.

So, back to the trying something new.  Last week I found a Craigslist ad which read:

I am a 46 yo male who is submissive and am looking for a dominant lady for some occasional role play. This is not a lifestyle choice but more a mental release when needed.  You don’t need experience just be dominant and a little mean.
You make the rules you decide. What we do. Extremely open minded and will do what you want to please you. Very little off limits if trust is there.

Having been with a dominant for five years, this had my interest.  I’m not a dominant, but I appreciate the dynamic and understand needing a mental release, wanting to not be in control for just a little while, letting your brain go on autopilot because you don’t have to make any decisions.  I do have the occasional dominant streak, and I also love a good spanking and have an occasional rape fantasy.  You should understand this is not to be taken at face value, that’s not how power exchanges work.  I want to be spanked sometimes but that does NOT mean I’m looking for my actual dad to put me over his knee and spank me.  That’s downright disgusting.  Same thing for the rape fantasy.  I would NEVER, EVER minimize the absolute trauma that is rape.  Anyone can be raped, both men and women.  Non consensual acts, sexual or otherwise, are 100%, totally and completely fucked up and NOBODY should ever think they have a legitimate reason for this to be okay.  Having a fantasy of someone taking you by surprise and being sexually aggressive is not the same thing, not even close.  The only comparable term is “rape fantasy” which I fucking hate.

Back from the side track there….so I’ve met this guy twice (out in public for drinks).  He was completely shocked that I’m a real actual person who is what I say I am.  I don’t blame the guy.  I’ve seen nothing but people out to misrepresent themselves online.  You advertise for a female or a couple and you tend to get some guy who isn’t what he says and is too afraid to be himself for fear of rejection.  So this guy and I have had several conversations over the past week, and tonight we are going to meet and move to actual physical interaction.  We are role playing.  I’m a business woman in a sharp black suit.  I’m not sure what his role is exactly but it’s about me being in control so frankly I don’t give a shit.  When we set this up last night I texted him that I was in control now (it was late last night) and he had to call me as soon as he read the message.  And I wasn’t taking no for an answer.  He did, and I instructed him to call me this morning at 8:12 exactly and tell me where and when we will meet tonight (we had already planned on meeting up tonight).  He did, and I have 54 minutes to get showered, dressed in my bitch suit and meet him out.  And I’ve made him call me Miss Shannon, which frankly I love how that sounds.  He won’t call me that in public, and tonight we will be meeting for the 1st time.  I’m excited, he’s excited and nervous as hell.  I’m incredibly protective of people I care about.

I can’t wait to recap how this goes.  Stay tuned!

Sexually aggressive female inaugural post

I’m 44.  Single white female.  Fairly typical upbringing.  Parents married young, I was born young.  Average dysfunctional family.  No self esteem growing up, married the first guy to tell me I had a nice ass.  Had a kid with him 10 months after the wedding.  Realized quickly I now had two kids.  Went to school, got my own career.  Ditched the jackass.  Spent my 30’s being sexually active with multiple partners for the 1st time but let myself be used because I didn’t know any better.

Met a dom in my late 30’s.  Was with him for 5 years.  Did some more exploring, was in the lifestyle for a few years.  I made one shitty submissive.  Got pregnant, married him and miscarried in a two month span.  Left that guy.  Spent some time cruising online dating sites.  Met a good guy and had another 5 year relationship which I ended because I accepted that I wasn’t satisfied on an emotional or physical level.  Spent some time engaging in self discovery.  Finally got to the point where I accepted and embraced myself as a person, physically, emotionally and sexually.  My 40s body wasn’t what I would have hoped for, but I finally not only didn’t care, anyone else who didn’t like it could kiss my ass.

I spent some time on an online dating site.  Met some asshole who I thought was the true love of my life who beat me up three months in.  Thank the fucking lord that he didn’t take too much time.  Started dating an actual nice guy around New Years who has some issues he has to work out on his own.  During that time I wanted to get laid so in January I got on a sex personals site.  Hooked up with a guy 10 years younger than me and hotter than hell.

I’ve been his side chick for four months now.  We have the most amazing sexual relationship of my life.  It’s more about us being so compatible sexually.  There’s so much more to it than sex.  Cheesy for sure, but we connect on many levels.

We have talked openly with each other about what we have done, and what we want to do.  I had one encounter with another woman and it was amazing but also left me wanting so much more.  We have talked about threesomes, and even foursomes.  We have an ad on Craigslist looking to add another to our mix.  We have responded to ads as well.  We have a post on lovevoodo.  We would prefer to start with another female but so far the best we have managed is a catfish.  I did meet with one guy who was down for a threesome and the sexiest fucker I’ve ever seen in my life, but all that happened was I had him over twice and we fucked each other’s brains out.  Doesn’t look like that will happen.

Currently I’m talking with one guy who is looking to be submissive with a female.  We have met twice in person and are planning on meeting again tomorrow.  I haven’t told my BF about him yet but not because either of us have an issue with it, more because I don’t know where it’s going.  As it is, tonight I texted him that he had to call me as soon as he read the message and sonofabitch he did.  I then told him he has to call me tomorrow at 8:12 a.m. and tell me when and where we are meeting tomorrow.  Fingers crossed.

I’m also meeting another young guy who wants a threesome.  I don’t have a lot of hope for that one to pan out but he’s buying me drinks so I’ll go with it.  Hopefully I will have a recap tomorrow.

First blog post

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